Sacrifice
by wellthen44
Summary: "A choice becomes a sacrifice, a sacrifice becomes a loss, a loss becomes a burden, and a burden becomes a battle." After Allegiant, for all you peoples who just didn't like the way it was wrapped up.
1. Chapter 1

**Tris POV**

I turn and lunge for the device.

David shoots and pain races through my body. I couldn't tell where I was hit.

I remember the code Caleb repeated for Matthew. With a shaking hand, I type the numbers into the keypad.

The gun goes off again.

More pain, but I remember Caleb speaking again. The green button.

So much pain.

But why do I feel it when my body feels so numb?

I start to collapse, hitting my hand on the keypad on the way down. A light turns on behind the green button.

I hear a beep, and a turning sound.

I slide down to the floor. I feel something warm and wet on my neck. Red. Blood is a strange color. Dark.

And then I hear a gunshot.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see David slump over in his chair.

And then my mother walks out from behind him.

She is dressed in the same clothes I saw her wearing the last time I saw her, Abnegation gray, stained with her blood, her bare arms showing her tattoo. There are still bullet holes in her shirt; through them I can see the bullet wounds, still red, as if she is frozen in time. I'm not sure if it is the death serum or the blood loss that is making me so delusional, but it doesn't matter.

She walks over to me and kneels down. "Hello Beatrice" she says softly.

"Am I done yet?" I say, just wanting it to be over with. It's a selfish thing to want, but then again, I am dying to save thousands.

"Yes" she says, tears filling her eyes. "And my dear child, you've done so well."

"What about the others?" I choke on a sob at the image of Tobias, how dark and still his eyes were, how strong and warm his hand was, when we first stood face to face. "Tobias, Caleb, my friends

"They'll care for each other" she says. "That's what people do."

I close my eyes and feel my mother wrap her arms around me. I gladly fall into her embrace.

Can I be forgiven for all I've done to get here?

I want to be.

I can.

I believe it.

* * *

**Tobias POV**

The ride back to the compound is slow and dark. I watch the moon disappear and reappear behind the clouds as we pass by. When we reach the outer limits of the city, it begins to snow again, large, white flakes that swirl in front of the headlights. I wonder if Tris is watching it sweep across the pavement and and gather in piles by the airplanes. I wonder if she is living in a better world than the one I left, among people who no longer care about the difference between pure and damaged genes.

Christina leans foreword to whisper in my ear. "So you did it? It worked?"

"Yes" I say. In the rear view mirror I see her smile. We are all safe. Safe.

"Did you inoculate your family?" I ask.

"Yep. We found them with the Allegiant in the Hancock building" she says. "But the time for the reset has passed. It looks like Tris and Caleb stopped it."

We drive passed the fences and stop at the front doors, which are no longer manned by guards. We get out, and Zeke grasps his mother's hand to keep her steady. As we walk to the compound, I know for a fact that Caleb succeeded, because there is no one in sight. That could only mean that they have been reset, their memories altered forever.

We walk through the abandoned security checkpoint and I see Cara on the other side. The side of her face is badly bruised and the head is wrapped in bandages, but that's not what concerns me. What concerns me is the troubled look on her face.

"What is it?" I ask.

She just shakes her head.

"Where's Tris?"

"I'm sorry Tobias."

"Sorry about what?" demands Christina. "Tell us what _happened_!"

"Tris went into the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb" Cara says, her voice shaking. "She survived the death serum, and set off the memory serum, but she got shot and didn't survive. I'm so sorry."

Most of the time, I can tell when people are lying, and this must be a lie, because Tris is still alive, her small body full of energy, her face bright with curiosity. Tris is still alive, because she wouldn't leave me here alone. She wouldn't go into the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb. She wouldn't.

"No" Christina says, shaking her head. "There has to be some mistake."

Cara's eyes well up with tears.

And that's when I realize that of course Tris would go into the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb.

Of course she would.

Christina screams something, but to me it is muffled, and the details off Cara's face have become difficult to see. All I can do is stand still, because maybe, if I just stand still, I can stop it from being true, I can pretend everything is alright.

But it isn't.

No way is it.

Christina hunches over, unable to support her own grief, and Cara embraces her, and

All I am doing is standing still.

* * *

**Tris POV**

I wake up in a white room.

Well, at least I think it's a room. All I can see is white, nothing else.

I sit up and rub my sore head. I don't remember anything, how I got here, where I am, what I was doing...

I feel a small tap on my shoulder and I flinch. I turn to see Marlene.

Marlene?

But she's dead!

"Tris?" she asks in shock. She is wearing the same clothes I saw her in last, a red t-shirt with baggy, black shorts. But there are scars all over her and her bones look like they were bent out of shape and put back together again.

"Marlene?" I say. "Where are we?"

She bites her lip and rubs the side of her arm. She's hesitating.

"Where are we?" I ask again. Her eyes well up with tears.

"Uh..."

Just then, out of a fog, Will and Lynn walk towards us.

Okay, now I'm REALLY confused.

"Where am I?" I say fiercely. Will's eyes widen when he sees me and Lynn looks taken aback.

"Oh my god..." Will says.

I stand, short tempered. "What the hell is this!?"

The three of them look at each other, then Will and Marlene's gazes go to Lynn, and she steps forward. She looks me in the eye, clenches her jaw, and with a flat emotionless voice, she tells me two words that forever ruined me.

"You're dead."


	2. Chapter 2

**Tobias POV**

* * *

We go to visit her body... sometime.

I don't know how long it is after Cara tells us what... happened...

Christina and I walk shoulder to shoulder. I don't really remember the trip to the morgue, just a few sounds and smeared colors that I can make out through the barrier around my head.

She lies on a table, and for a minute I think she's just sleeping, that when I touch her she'll wake up and smile and kiss me. But when I touch her she is cold, drained of all life.

Christina sniffles and sobs. I squeeze her hand and pray that if I do, I'll send the life back into her and the warmth will flush back into her and she will wake up. But she doesn't, and it takes me too long to realize that she isn't, and that she will never come back.

And when I realize this, I feel as if all of the life has flushed out of me too, nothing left but a cold, empty, lifeless body. I sink to my knees and I think I cry, then, or at least I want to, and everything inside me screams for just one more kiss, one more word, one more glance, one more.

One more.

Just one more.

* * *

**Tris POV**

I just stare at Lynn.

"What'd you say?" I ask.

She sighed impatiently, clearly not wanting to repeat herself. "You... You're dead."

I feel something in my stomach bubble, and my mouth suddenly twitches into a smile, and I start laughing. Will, Marlene and Lynn all look at me like I've gone mad, which I probably have. I start laughing harder, and then I can't even hold myself up I'm laughing so hard. I fall on the ground and the laughter turns to giggles, which turns to snickers, which turns to whimpers, which turns to tears, which turns to crying, which turns to weeping, which turns to sobbing. The three of them just look at me, not knowing how to react.

I get ahold of myself and stand up abruptly, wiping excess tears from my eyes. "So... what is this place?"

They all just stare at me for a minute, then Marlene speaks. "We don't really know, some sort of... after life?" She says it so calmly it surprises me.

"But... how did I get here?" I ask. I don't remember anything, I only remember these three people. And that we are all dead.

Will waves me over to him, his mouth in a straight line. "I'll show you."

I walk over to him and we walk until we are in front of a thick fog. "Walk through here" he says. I shoot him a curious glance, but he just crosses his arms across his chest. I notice, stupidly, for the first time, that there is a hole in his forehead. A bullet hole. I wonder how he got that. "You go by yourself."

I look back at the fog and walk through it. I cough on the thick and humid air, but when I get out, I'm not in that underworld place anymore.

I'm standing in a hallway, and I hear people screaming. I turn my head and as if on cue, a girl and a boy run through the doorway and sprint past me, the girl clutching the boy's elbow to keep him steady. I recognize the boy as... Caleb? I think? It seems to ring a bell, I'm just not sure who he is. But I am positive that the girl is me. We have the same hair, same eyes, same clothes, except hers don't have bullet holes or blood and she looks far more panicked than I thought someone could be.

And then it dawns on me, that I must be in a memory. This must be the way I died.

But, where are Caleb and I going?

I run after them.

* * *

**Tobias POV**

In the days that follow, it is movement, not stillness, that keeps the grief at bay, so I walk the compound halls instead of sleeping. I watch everybody recover from the memory serum that altered them permanently, as if from a great distance.

I keep finding myself stifled by the company of others and then crippled by the loneliness of when they leave. I am terrified and I don't even know of what, because I have pretty much lost everything already.

I stop by the control room and stare at the screens. Johanna is arranging transportation for those who want to leave Chicago and learn the truth. I don't know what'll happen to those who remain in Chicago, nor do I really care.

I shove my hands into my pockets and watch for a few minutes, then walk out and try to match my footsteps to my heartbeat, or to avoid the cracks in the tiles. When I walk past the entrance, I see a small group of people gathered by the stone sculpture, one of them Nita. I walk past them and watch as Reggie works on the water tank.

"Tobias?"

A shudder creeps up my spine. It's Caleb.

I try to turn away from his voice, searching for a way out.

"Wait please" he says.

I don't want to look at him, to measure how much or how little he grieves her. And I don't want to think about how she died for such a miserable coward, how he wasn't worth her life.

Still, I turn to look at him, to see if I can see some of her in his face, just wanting to catch a glimpse of her, even though she's gone.

His hair is unwashed and unkept, his green eyes are bloodshot, his mouth twitching into a frown.

He looks nothing like her.

"I don't mean to bother you" he says, "but I have something to tell you. Something... _she_ told me to tell you before..." Caleb chokes, then pulls himself up straight, fighting off tears. "That she never wanted to leave you."

I should feel something, hearing her last words to me, right? But I feel nothing. I feel farther away than ever.

"Yeah?" I say harshly. "Then why did she die? Why didn't she let you die?"

"You think I'm not asking myself that question?" Caleb says. "It's because she loved me. Enough to hold me at gunpoint to die for me. I have no idea why, that's just the way it is."

He walks away without letting me respond, and it's probably better that way, because I can't think of anything to say that is equal to my anger. I blink away tears and sit down in the middle of the lobby.

I know why she wanted to tell me that she didn't want to leave me. This was not another Erudite headquarters, not a lie told to make me sleep while she went off to die, not a unnecessary self sacrifice. I grind the heels of my hands into my eyes like I can push tears back into my skull. _No crying _I chastise myself. If I let a little emotion out, all of it will, and it will never end.

Never.


End file.
